For ease of reading, these entries are posted in chronological order.
As recollections and remarks are added to the end of the entries, a linked update will be placed in the sidebar. Be sure to subscribe via the feed at the bottom, or join as a Follower to know when an update has been made.
Pre-existing comments have been imported, but have lost the original date. These are now dated 1-11-09.
PLEASE NOTE
But First, a Little Background
In December of 2003 I received an email from film director Larry Weinstein, who explained that he was interested in talking to me about new project of his, a documentary about Mozart.
"This film might touch upon areas as diverse as the 5 Austrian companies that produce the candy "Mozartkugeln", to the various computer learning programs that take Mozart's name as inspiration, to the modern use of Mozart's music to stimulate unborn babies and the very young, to various Christian and Asian religions which point to Mozart as the ultimate proof of reincarnation. And then there is your story, of which I've had some glimpses over time, that is, the story of the "walk-in" which at first glance seems quite strange, but upon further consideration (provoked by your writings and interviews on the subject) becomes something quite fascinating and even moving..."
He submitted the names of a few of his better-known films, two of which I'd seen, 32 Short Films About Glenn Gould and The Red Violin (for which his company, Rhombus Media, had won an Academy Award). I replied, telling him that I would be happy to help him in anyway I could.
A couple of weeks later I received a phone call from screenwriter Thomas Wallner, who spoke to me at length about the film,explaining that they would like to use me as one of the subjects of the film. Thus began a year of email, private phone calls and conference calls, questions, and generally getting to know each other.
For most of the time preceeding our involvement in the actually filming, the film was referred to as "Mozart Lives!". Later, it was officially titled "Mozartballs" for reasons that are still a little unclear to me. I believe this title was chosen to let the viewers know that it was meant to be a light film, not without humor and charm. But as the Rhombus team got to know Lynette and me better--and our story--the film took its own direction, which sometimes left poor Larry and Thomas scratching their heads. It wasn't until our initial face-to-face meeting that they decided to tell our story rather than just mine. Everything changed. Some subjects were dropped in order that the film could have more of us in it, and the script went through continuous rewriting until the very end of filming. In the actual film we take up only about 18 minutes, but many, many hours were shot of us, footage we've never seen.
These posts are entries I made to my personal weblog, Incurable Insomniac, over the course of the two years that Mozartballs was in production. They include photos from our private collection, as well as some of those taken by Thomas Wallner while we were on location in Austria. I made a point not to write about the project until we actually met Larry and Thomas in December of 2004, a year after our initial correspondence, for fear of betraying their confidence. Therefore, the entries begin a few days after they returned to Toronto, and after they expressed no trepidation about the issue.
We will be adding our current thoughts and reflections at the end of some of the posts, so be sure to subscribe via the feed so that you can keep up.
We would like to thank everyone at Rhombus Media for their kindness and sensitivity. A story like ours could have been made to look ridiculous if not for their integrity. A special, heartfelt thank you to Larry Weinstein and Thomas Wallner for their ongoing friendship.
A couple of weeks later I received a phone call from screenwriter Thomas Wallner, who spoke to me at length about the film,explaining that they would like to use me as one of the subjects of the film. Thus began a year of email, private phone calls and conference calls, questions, and generally getting to know each other.
For most of the time preceeding our involvement in the actually filming, the film was referred to as "Mozart Lives!". Later, it was officially titled "Mozartballs" for reasons that are still a little unclear to me. I believe this title was chosen to let the viewers know that it was meant to be a light film, not without humor and charm. But as the Rhombus team got to know Lynette and me better--and our story--the film took its own direction, which sometimes left poor Larry and Thomas scratching their heads. It wasn't until our initial face-to-face meeting that they decided to tell our story rather than just mine. Everything changed. Some subjects were dropped in order that the film could have more of us in it, and the script went through continuous rewriting until the very end of filming. In the actual film we take up only about 18 minutes, but many, many hours were shot of us, footage we've never seen.
These posts are entries I made to my personal weblog, Incurable Insomniac, over the course of the two years that Mozartballs was in production. They include photos from our private collection, as well as some of those taken by Thomas Wallner while we were on location in Austria. I made a point not to write about the project until we actually met Larry and Thomas in December of 2004, a year after our initial correspondence, for fear of betraying their confidence. Therefore, the entries begin a few days after they returned to Toronto, and after they expressed no trepidation about the issue.
We will be adding our current thoughts and reflections at the end of some of the posts, so be sure to subscribe via the feed so that you can keep up.
We would like to thank everyone at Rhombus Media for their kindness and sensitivity. A story like ours could have been made to look ridiculous if not for their integrity. A special, heartfelt thank you to Larry Weinstein and Thomas Wallner for their ongoing friendship.
We hope you enjoy this site!
Steph Waller & Lynette Erwin
January 2009
Best of Times, Worst of Times
December 7, 2004
I think I can finally write about what’s been going on over the past year. Or maybe I just need to write about it in order to find some balance since my mother’s death last Sunday. Whatever, I haven’t breathed on this for fear of jinxing it, but now I’ll tell you.
Last December I was contacted by Larry Weinstein of Rhombus Media, who has been silently watching me on the web for a while. He has been contracted by ARTE and ZDF in Germany to create a feature-length documentary about Mozart for the composer’s 250th birthday in January of 2006, and he wants me to be part of it. Of course I was interested, but I refused myself the joy of getting excited. After all, too many things have fallen through on my career throughout the years and as I said, I didn’t want to jinx this wonderful opportunity.
I’ve been in regular contact with screenwriter Thomas Wallner concerning this project since the film’s onset, and now he and Mr. Weinstein are coming to Stillwater on Monday to spend a few days getting to know us. Mr. Wallner was slated to come last month, but that fell through when he was denied entrance into the US from Canada. That’s a long story that I won’t go into. Things turned out for the best -- as I knew they would. Now, Mr. Weinstein will be coming with him, and in the wake of my mother’s death, I really need this positive event.
My only hope is that neither Mr. Weinstein nor Mr. Wallner will be upset that I’ve revealed this on my blog, but I’ve been sitting on this for a year and I really need to let it out.
Nettl and I are really looking forward to their visit. She will be performing in a concert on Monday night, a concert which they will attend with me. Then we’ll come back to our house for wine and hors d’oeuvres, and a great deal of conversation, I’m sure.
Between my mother’s death, these meetings with Rhombus, the weekend visit of our friend Noelle, Christmas and New Year’s, and all the kids’ concerts and programs, life is pretty crazy. Ah well. Things are always kept in perspective when you have a family.
Last December I was contacted by Larry Weinstein of Rhombus Media, who has been silently watching me on the web for a while. He has been contracted by ARTE and ZDF in Germany to create a feature-length documentary about Mozart for the composer’s 250th birthday in January of 2006, and he wants me to be part of it. Of course I was interested, but I refused myself the joy of getting excited. After all, too many things have fallen through on my career throughout the years and as I said, I didn’t want to jinx this wonderful opportunity.
I’ve been in regular contact with screenwriter Thomas Wallner concerning this project since the film’s onset, and now he and Mr. Weinstein are coming to Stillwater on Monday to spend a few days getting to know us. Mr. Wallner was slated to come last month, but that fell through when he was denied entrance into the US from Canada. That’s a long story that I won’t go into. Things turned out for the best -- as I knew they would. Now, Mr. Weinstein will be coming with him, and in the wake of my mother’s death, I really need this positive event.
My only hope is that neither Mr. Weinstein nor Mr. Wallner will be upset that I’ve revealed this on my blog, but I’ve been sitting on this for a year and I really need to let it out.
Nettl and I are really looking forward to their visit. She will be performing in a concert on Monday night, a concert which they will attend with me. Then we’ll come back to our house for wine and hors d’oeuvres, and a great deal of conversation, I’m sure.
Between my mother’s death, these meetings with Rhombus, the weekend visit of our friend Noelle, Christmas and New Year’s, and all the kids’ concerts and programs, life is pretty crazy. Ah well. Things are always kept in perspective when you have a family.
At Last We Meet
December 11, 2004
The three days spent with Larry Weinstein and Thomas Wallner were not only very successful, they were really enjoyable. What wonderful people they are -- exactly the morale boost we needed just three days after my mother’s death. It was very difficult and emotional for us to say good-bye when they left. They will be back, however, and we’re looking forward to spending more time with them.
While they were here they showed us one of their films, Ravel’s Brain, and excerpts from others they’ve made, as well as a little preview of their newest film, Beethoven’s Hair. I’m utterly impressed with their work. Oddly, long before I even knew they existed I’d seen two of their earlier movies, 32 Short Films About Glenn Gould and the Academy Award winning The Red Violin. They left us with copies of Ravel’s Brain, Stormy Weather - The Music of Harold Arlen, and Solidarity Song - The Hanns Eisler Story, and my favorite, Burnt Toast, which features comics Colin Mocherie and Scott Thompson, as well as many others.
Excellent, excellent works, all. If you two gentlemen read this, please know how much we enjoyed your visit and how quickly we came to regard you as friends.
I won’t go into all the crap concerning the government freezing our bank accounts (my mother was a co-signer on our account) the day after Larry and Thomas left, and right before Christmas. That situation has improved, but we’re still feeling a little queasy from the roller coaster our life has become.
_____________________________________
Steph Looking Back, January 10, 2009:
When I remember that this happened right after my mother's death, I wonder how we got through it. She had lived with us as a semi-invalid for four years and required nearly 24-hour care. I think it attests to our resiliency and ability to bend with the wind, rather than break!
When I remember that this happened right after my mother's death, I wonder how we got through it. She had lived with us as a semi-invalid for four years and required nearly 24-hour care. I think it attests to our resiliency and ability to bend with the wind, rather than break!
What Would You Do?
February 16, 2005
I just spent the last couple of hours watching one of the videos I made during my stay in Vienna ten years ago. Ugh. I hate watching myself. I was surprised that I don’t really look any older now than I did then, although my entire “look” has changed. Mostly, the first tape was pretty boring, except for the bit Paul and I taped while spiraling down the narrow tower of St. Stephan’s cathedral. I was laughing my ass off watching that. Tomorrow I’m going to watch the second tape, then I’ll edit them both down onto a VHS for Rhombus. They’ve asked me twice now to see these stupid tapes, but I just can’t make myself send them off as they are. I do have some pride. Funny though, the best parts are when I was drunk and talking alone to the camcorder in my hotel room.
I told Thomas that sending these tapes without reviewing them or edited them is rather like sending someone my underwear drawer: you never knows what you’ll find! Makes one feel pretty vulnerable. Since these will be used to help with the film, and since they’re of ME (and not at my very best, I confess), I’m going to feel better if I edit the tapes. What would you do, if you were in my position?
I told Thomas that sending these tapes without reviewing them or edited them is rather like sending someone my underwear drawer: you never knows what you’ll find! Makes one feel pretty vulnerable. Since these will be used to help with the film, and since they’re of ME (and not at my very best, I confess), I’m going to feel better if I edit the tapes. What would you do, if you were in my position?
The Game
March 27, 2005
I’ve been in this game so long that I don’t even see the game. In fact, I’ve never played the game. That’s why I’m not famous now. I knew all the right people, but I never blew the right people. In fact, I never blew anyone. Somehow, I instinctively know the current situation isn’t a game at all.
You must understand that I’m dealing with a number of subconscious dynamics that are leaving me confused and apprehensive. I’m talking about the Mozart film by Rhombus Media. Now, I understand that it’s not “cool” to be naïve or honest about these things… or maybe I’m just paranoid. Hell, I grew up an hour north of Hollywood, and due to my career choice as a musician, that made a huge impression on me. In L.A. even the guy working in the local Taco Bell thinks he’s a celebrity. Everybody is a Star. People here in Oklahoma couldn’t understand this if I ranted about it from the pulpit from now to Doomsday.
Just when I figure out all the answers, they go and change all the questions.
I thought I had it down. When Rhombus Media first came here to interview us last December, I was expecting the usual crap I ran into during my triple decade trek through the dark corridors and dank alleys of what is known as The Industry. When they turned out to be honest, down-to-earth, sincere folks I didn’t know what to do. So what did I do? At first, I clammed up. I mistrusted. Slowly, I opened up. I trusted. It was wonderful. Even so, I took a sort of wait and see stance when they mentioned taking us to Vienna, and began hashing out the complications of Lynette’s work schedule. I still don’t believe the trip will happen, but that’s not because of Rhombus, it’s because of the gaping holes of disappointment with which my life experience is riddled. If I’ve ever gotten anything in this life, it was from my own hard work and iron determination.
I hold absolutely no doubts where Rhombus’ integrity and intentions are concerned. They’ve proven themselves to me time and again, and besides, we’ve become friends. I think.
In their last communication, I received a DVD of their latest film, Beethoven’s Hair. No label, no slick jewel case, just a disk upon which is written in felt-tip pen,
“Hope you all like it. Enjoy!! See you soon.”
See you soon.
What the hell does that mean? When they were here last December, they mentioned returning with a film crew in the Spring. We live such a normal life here parenting three teens, that this message is sort of unsubstantial and unreal to me. If I were still in SoCal I’d know how to react, but I don’t, and these people aren’t Hollywood arseholes anyway, and that changes everything. A-holes I know how to deal with. I know how to play the game with them, keep my poker face and never let them see me sweat. But this decency and integrity in The Industry is all new to me. I’ve been in this business for 39 years and none of the strategies I’ve had to learn apply in this situation. Or do they? Am I fooling myself? Are film people just film people after all? Will I find myself hurt again, or used, or screwed? Have I learned anything through the past four decades, or have I finally encountered the real thing?
If age has taught me anything it is never to have expectations. If you never have expectations you will never be disappointed, but you will also never know what it feels like to look forward to something, even something you’ve worked for all your life.
Doesn’t feel right, somehow.
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